The crash. My friends. It was in an instant.
We were on our way to the greatest show on Earth, a warm night in the low rolling hills of the Appalachian mountains.
“Where’s Michael?” you think… you know he’s okay. If you’re okay, he’s okay. And so is Sheena, I suppose, given she’s not some destructive force from Satan.
You’re not sure.
“Where’s Michael?” you ask.
“Michael is in another dimension approximately 3 parsecs from our current location.”
“Do you know how to… what is this, anyway? Am I dead? I’m pretty sure I’m dead.”
“Yes, you are dead. Well, not dead, you’re just… free of your obligation. Listen, we don’t have much time.”
“We pulled you guys out early. There’s something very, very wrong with the mainframe. There’s been an attack.”
You are overwhelmed with confusion. “What’s going on?!” you ask, panicked.
A burst of light zaps open in front of you. You are suddenly falling from a building. There are people on the street below.
You wake up. It’s 7:00.
7:01. 7:02… 7:03, 7:04, 7:05, 8:05, 9:05 10:30, 1:42, 5:33 tomorrow, the weekend, next year, Christmas, WHITE.
and you’re back. Your cheeks are numb, tingling like the rest of your body. You’ve woken up. The light…
“Quick, hurry!!!! What’s the passcode?!?”
The light closes in front of you and you stop. It is still. You think to yourself for a second.
“Michael. Where are you?”
“Michael. MICHAEL!!! That must be it!!! You’re a genius!!!!”
You hear a crowd of thundering fans, back at a football game. You are in the crowd, enjoying a breathtaking, beautiful night at the greatest show on earth. Joy overwhelms you. You love it here.
“I love my life,” you say.. looking up into the stars in the sky in a sea of hundreds of thousands.
The football game resumes. It’s Tennessee vs. Virginia Tech. Dobbs is having an excellent night, and the Tennessee team shows its dominance over a weaker VT team. The second quarter brings 24 unanswered points, giving the Vols a victory over the Hokies.
Fireworks go off. Victory. A Vols victory, with the largest crowd to ever watch a college football game.
“It’s time to get drunk!!!! Yeaaaa!!!” you yell out loud.
“Yeaaa buddy!!!” Michael is stoked and about to get krunk as shit. Sheena is happy, excited about our win and a fun night coming up. You all get in the car, and smoke a bowl.
“Wut uuuuuuuup!!!” You yell, jumping up and down in the backseat.
Suddenly, a massive robot. The size of a building. It rampages towards you and your crew.
“AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!” You all are freaking out.
“Commence zombie apocolypse sequence!!!” You yell.
“Fucking robot apocalypse!!!” Michael yells back.
“WHAT THE FUCK!?!!??!?!!” Sheena is losing her shit. You all have to carry her, running to the nearest ditch.
You look at each other wide-eyed, in absolute panic.
Suddenly, a giant motorcycle T-rex comes down from a white flash in the sky. A strange sound plays, sounding like a quick series of ascending harmonic pitches. The robot is disabled.
The three of you look at each other, in terror. You jump back in the car and speed off into the night.
“HOOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT. Holy shit holy shit holy shit.” you all say, going faster… 60, 70, 80… a turn arrives and the car flips violently through the air, you scream and then there’s a flash of white…
A breeze. Gentle, like silk soaring through the air. It’s as fresh as a woman’s deodorant commercial.
It is a woman’s deodorant commercial. And you’re stuck there.
He’s in the other room. His hair is fucked. Your hair is fucked. Your clothes are nicer than any you’ve ever worn.
A pink flamingo settles onto the pool surface. You wonder if it bites.
It smells… good. Kind of. You are reminded of crashing at your mother’s house, long ago.