I am skateboarding down a highway at lightning speed, being chased down by motorcycles powered by electricity and magnets.
There are people with helmets with visors shooting at me with laser guns. There is a launch ramp ahead. I hit it and my board disappears.
I am flying and somersaulting, and hit the pavement. I feel no pain as I roll and roll into a pile of balled up matter. I become the ball.
The ball becomes me. The ball separates from me. And now I Am.
It’s a basketball court.
I am slowly bouncing the ball. Lonely, in a countryside court with a couple of birds in the sky and some clouds on a sunny day. I shoot.
I score (1), and miss (0) at the same time. The miss (0) comes back to my hands. The score stays (1). I shoot again and make it (1).
The two (2) makes combine to form a supernova of energy, explosions of awesome duality. Suddenly the shape of infinity. Infinity rebounding against itself,
like a pulsar with energy increasing and decreasing its mass at a speed of about 3 beats per second, or about 180 beats per minute.
Like a pacing heart. Fast. It is energy of itself. And I Am.
These are the things I see every day in cascades of integrations. Life to me occurs in patterns.
All of it, predictable, easy to read, based on these simple iterations.
To re-read the things.
I want to disappear. I want to fly high into the sky with the power of space flight, disappearing into a cloud of explosive material as my body becomes the air.
I want my energy to be free.
I sit here in the back of my car, trapped, and as free as I possibly could be. No job, no life, no things, no stuff, no wife, no family, no people, no friends, just
car, computer, air, breathing, me, somewhere, happy, sad, living life. Cold. Lonely. Sad.
The joy has a ceiling. I fear hitting it. I want to go to Europe. Somewhere the people are different. Talk different. Act different. Be nice. Cheerful. Friendly.
Calm. Collected. Ignorant. Maxed out. Blindfolded. Without knowledge of the void. The darkness. The death of humanity, brought on by a black hole of greed, power,
boredom, disappointment, maxed out and nothing left gravitational pull to the kill, to the bone, to the internal organs of life until we wither away. Our sad fate.
We all will die.
I want to be somewhere people think differently of this. People find cheerful, life, nooks, crannies, around the corner, houses, families, silliness, nonsense, love,
happiness, joy, family. All of these things. Love. Love abounding and neverending. No more sadness. No more.
We will do our duty for the others that want the things, for the sake of our families, for the sake of the people around us, for the paycheck, for the gritty boss,
for whoever it is. We will do it.
That’s what I want. Some kind of grind that is only slightly a grind. For the paycheck. For the love and the family.
I am so afraid. I am afraid it is gone. Here, in America. I see the things around me. I know it is gone. I know it is disappearing. Love is being traded for such
lower, lower things as career, money, power, materials, gritty to the bone again.
The love is gone. The women want something else. Not me, no – they want and want and want and want and want and want and want and never gain happiness. Black hole.
End this thought.